Am currently a graduated student. First of all.. Happy new year! Actually is happy belated new year! I was kind of busy to update my blog before. and yeaa.. i don't know what to update either. Honestly, I mostly only update my blog when I'm sad. You know, the adrenaline suddenly went active and so many ideas to blog.

I ain't sad now. Don't know what is that complicated feeling. There's only a week away. Then I'm going to begin my uni life. Yeshh. That life I keep looking forward before. I wished I can leave as soon as possible and start a new life. But hell no! As the day is getting nearer and nearer, the fear inside is also getting more and more obvious. I always thought the time is still long yet, but no, it's not. The time is long only when I don't know when will I see you again. It would be the most suffering thing I would be having.

Know what? I will miss you very much. I couldn't even imagine the life without you. I don't know how long I can stand this. You've already know it aren't you? You've already noticed the little details changed. How i wish i could just tell you out loud about what i feel and what i think about you! Thanks for bringing me so many sweet memories that i would never forget!
Am worrying now. I worry the same thing is going to happen again and i couldn't be there. I afraid i would just be one of the girls while i thought i am special to you. How i wish you could tell me how do you feel and think about me too. Don't say i am not mature enough to understand. It's not the problem, i only need an explain.
I don't want to missed every single second of my time left to cherish you don't you understand? Don't keep me guessing don't keep me worrying don't keep my heart hanging there for you. It's too late to regret already. I;ve already fallen into you so freaking damn deep duhh!

Thanks God! I am reminded to keep my heart strengthen. Go away seduction! Sorry heart I almost hurt you again. 

It was a long long day. I went to mom's shop to lend her a hand since her worker is not going to work temporally for some personal reasons. Realising the more you expect something, the more the probability it wouldn't come. It's been a day already, I keep checking on my phone, wondering if it's having problem or what.. I'd accidently crossed over the secure line already, I expect too much.

No messages no phone call no nothing. I admit that there's still a little disappointment in my heart but I'll ignore that feeling anyway. Keep dreaming like this is not healthy for me, I don't want to get unnecessary sickness because of these unnecessary things lol.

I am sorry that I have to keep connected to keep my insecure away, but this is tiring. And I don't deserved to be like this. Sorry for making trouble to you all the time. I feel guilty and i meant it, I don't just say it to expect for your sympathize. I just find nothing better to do than apologize already. I hate myself being like this wtf.

I wanted to write something happy every time, but every time i ended up my post with something like this. I don't know.. I hate that too.

I don't know.. Are you hinting me something? Or is this just another temptation to test my determination?
I am scared. I afraid that everything will just suddenly disappear like before. I am too glad already to have those memories with you that I never expect. I had too much already.. I would rather to have nothing just from the beginning than loosing something. Loosing cause more pain and I don't want it.
I am really happy and appreciate to God to see your smile. It gives me a lot of power to remain my day. Thanks! :)
I don't know when would this happiness ends but I will be prepared, I am just counting it down to be ended, I know this wouldn't last forever. I want you to know that I will always by your side, until the day you don't need me. This is all I can do for you. Seeing you being great and happy, cherishing the time being with you. This can made my day already.

Thanks God! Thanks for staying me strong to walk until now. I might be tired sometimes, but thanks for giving me strength so that I din't give up. Although I wanted to..

For your information, I've already done my SPM exam and currently a graduated student. Tadaa!
Life is surprising especially when you turns your head over sometimes and you ll see how much things have you missed. Is everything deserved for the now-you? Or did you regret about anything? Well you have no choice already. Looking back is just an action for us to learn and to appreciate, not to regret.

It's coming soon. We all gonna separate very very soon. Quick, do something you want to do before it's too late to regret. We all don't know when will be the next chance, maybe this is the last one. Hold it tight and go!

Pray hard that everything would be okay. You would be strong to face no matter any problems and challenges, and strong enough to stand up even if you just had a big fall, strong enough to smile to your life challengers, strong enough to keep going.
Do not give up, okay?

Before it's too late to regret, I hope i can do what I've said. Be brave! I don't want any regret happens on me.

Fullstop to sleep! Good night! ;)

I feel empty and i hate it. I hate when i think i have almost forget you, and a sudden sweet action from you can just easily ruin up everything again.

It's hard to stand up from a big fall. My knees aren't that strong enough. So don't challenge me, please. I just hate to keep starting over a game again and again. I don't have that much of energy and time. 

I envy the girl in the movie. She has such a dramatic life and a dramatic ending. But I understand the reality. The ending wouldn't ever be that perfect so easily, so simply. Like now. I only have plenty of limited time. After this, i think we would never have this kind of chance to meet each other again. One day i will forget you. But i will miss you. No, I miss you already. :(

One day, maybe one day i will forget you. I hope that day will come very soon. Instead of making things worst, being like this would just make things worst.

Time fliess. Things past so fast until i couldn't remember everything is real or just a dream. 

I hate all the shit now. Fml.

Me no like this :(

**

Was thinking something to update for my lil bloggie X)
hmm....

The wind was freaking heavy today. I hope the same thing wouldn't happen tomorrow.
Tell you what! I am going to perform with the band during this coming tuesday! I know. My SPM is just a week away. That scary thing that even messed up my PMS lol.. Anyway i ll be joining the practice tomorrow morning! Honestly there's a tiny excited inside. It has been a while since I retired from the band for my exam. Hmmm.. And that weird feeling! It's kinda complicated and I don't know how to explain it.. XS Well.. Hope everything will go on smoothly tomorrow :)

Andaaa... Was celebrating Sonia and Askar's birthday @ dessert master last night!

Weee the group photo! :DD

Glad that we can still hang out together although everyone is busying to fight for their dreams now. And so do i :)

Since we found that studying in Singapore needs a high expense that out of our budget. My mom and I were then changed our option to the other schools. We've found a nice one either. Taylor's university college. Taddaaa!

I've applied it during the past few weeks. And I am going to the January intake. Am really down and struggled and disappointed at first because I was about to give up my dream school since I was younger.( forgot the age..) Nanyang Academy of Fine Arts. It's a famous school in Sg and i wished to go there too. But nevermind. Now I only hope that I can study well in the school instead of Nanyang and also reduce the economics burden of my mom at the same time. Killing two birds with one stone huh? LOL X)

And I am temporally forcing myself for an amnesia for a while. So that i can focus and focus. I've learnt that keep missing someone is not going to help myself in this kind of timing and situation. So forget it. Maybe I would forget you through these times. It will be a good thing. But if I don't, hmm.. Maybe I will tell you one day. So that you would at least know what and how I feel. But i wouldn't expect for more. I don't have the braveness to expect for anything anymore. This is just not a right time. I will forget you one day.

Well I am clear with my targets now. What I afraid is that if I couldn't make it. I hate disappointing people and I hate disappointing myself. One week. Only one week left and I know myself. But I would just try my best. I will just keep on moving :)

I think I'm used to this kind of feeling already. This kind of distance.. What a pathetic! I really miss the old days when everything's still nice. But everything is reminding me to look forward now. Nothing deserves me to stay so I wouldn't stay. Bring back all the memories! I don't need it.

Whatever. I don't care.

Forget about the heart. Focus the brain and do what I should do now. 

All the best everyone! :)

I miss this :(

Maybe I've forgotten the coordinates or step sizes all those things, but memories will always stay. :)
It just never been bored. I like to watch it over and over again and put the volume to the max and let it blasts off my ears! I can still remember where am I standing on this set that set, blablablaahh.. And I love the feelings when it reminds me some memories that i would never have it again in my entire life. I appreciate that a lot! :)

I miss those times. I really do!:(
Get it?